I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
Advertisement
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
Pay attention to this date from now on. It’s not an ordinary expiration date. After working for years and years in grocery stores, I see that most people just randomly buy eggs without really noticing this detail
For me and I’m sure many other egg lovers, there’s a certain satisfaction in cracking an egg. Eggs are always on my menu, whether I’m making a simple fried rice dish for dinner or a fluffy omelet for morning. I usually purchase them from the store, packed in those familiar boxes, but sometimes I acquire them at the farmer’s market. As time went on, I came to understand that cracking the codes on these boxes is a necessity rather than just an interest.
Have you ever wondered what the numbers on an egg carton meant when you looked at them? Even though those numbers appear to be some sort of code, once you know what they stand for, they are quite simple to comprehend. So, let me to clarify, shall we?The Julian Date is the birthday of your egg.First, there is the three-digit code, which appears to be made up of a random assortment of digits. The Julian date is a reference to the precise day of the year that the eggs were packaged. There are 365 days in a Julian calendar. For example, the code 001 indicates that the eggs were graded on January 1st if you observe it on the carton. A 365 code denotes December 31st. Seems very straightforward, doesn’t it?I can still clearly remember my initial experience with this. As I was examining an egg carton in my kitchen, I had the impression of Sherlock Holmes cracking a case. “Well, these eggs date back to March 15th,” I mused to myself, feeling somewhat smug. It’s similar like having the password to a select group of ardent egg enthusiasts.The Source of Your Eggs: The Packaging Plant CodeYou might see a code next to the Julian date that starts with the letter “P.” This is the plant code, and it tells you where the eggs were processed. In the event that eggs are recalled, this information is quite helpful. Knowing the plant code can help you determine whether the recall applies to your particular carton. It is a minor detail, but it makes a big difference in guaranteeing the safety of the eggs you eat.Why This Is Important. I know you’re probably wondering why any of this matters. What use does it serve to know the plant code and the Julian date? Alright, let me clarify this for you.Due to salmonella infection, there was a massive egg recall a few years ago. I had bought a few cartons from the supermarket, so I can remember it like it was yesterday. I wondered if the eggs in my refrigerator were among those being recalled, and I started to panic. But then I recalled the Julian date and the plant code. When I looked around and saw they were safe, I sighed with relief.
Eggs Lose Their Freshness and Expiration Over Time
The way the eggs are handled to ensure freshness is another crucial aspect of these standards. As long as they are stored properly, eggs can be consumed up to 30 days after the date they were packaged. This is where the Julian date comes in handy.After I come home from the supermarket, I’ve developed the habit of looking up the Julian date. It resembles a little ceremony. I take note of the date, conduct a quick arithmetic calculation, and keep track of when to use them up. It’s an easy way to make sure I always have fresh eggs, which makes a big difference in the dish’s flavor.Safety and Quality: More Than Just DatesTo ensure that you receive the tastiest eggs, there’s more to it than just knowing the Julian date and plant code. If you’re looking for anything specific, you may also search for additional markings on the carton, such the USDA grade shield and the terms “pastured” or “organic.”The fact that eggs with the USDA grade mark have undergone quality inspection and meet specific requirements is another benefit of purchasing them. The best eggs, grade AA, have solid yolks and thick whites, making them ideal for poaching or frying. Even though Grade A eggs are marginally less solid than Grade AA eggs, they are still excellent for baking and cooking.
Pastured and Organic EggsIf you enjoy eggs from hens that are allowed to roam freely, you might want to search for phrases like “pastured” or “organic.” Chickens that are fed organic feed and do not receive antibiotics are the source of organic eggs. Eggs without cages are produced by hens that are free to roam around and consume real food, which enhances the flavor of the eggs.Allow me to explain how, for me, all of this information came to be. During a Saturday morning, I made an omelet. I reached for the egg carton, saw the Julian date printed on it, and was relieved to see that the eggs had only been packed a week before. They were flawless and fresh. I broke off a few and placed them in a bowl; their rich, orange yolks suggested that they were fresh.I continued whisking the mixture after adding some milk, salt, and freshly ground pepper. I cracked the eggs into the skillet after melting a dollop of butter and allowing it to froth. After the omelet rose beautifully, I folded it and topped it with the cheese and sautéed mushrooms. Because the eggs were so fresh, I’m confident that the omelet turned out to be the greatest I’d made in a long time.
Try to decipher the codes the next time you are holding an egg carton. Knowing the Julian date and the plant code is more than just information; it is a guarantee of the quality and safety of the eggs you eat. You may improve your egg talents by knowing what those numbers represent, whether you’re scrambling eggs in the morning or baking a cake in the evening.As it turns out, it’s a fun but tiny part of the culinary experience. Who wouldn’t want to have breakfast and learn something new?
Leave a Reply