A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
I Went to Church and Accidentally Heard My Husband’s Voice Coming from the Confessional Booth
Amanda’s life seemed perfect — a loving husband, two wonderful kids, and a thriving family business. But one unexpected visit to the church turned her world upside down when she overheard her husband’s voice coming from the confessional booth, revealing secrets she never imagined.
If someone had asked me last month to describe my life, I’d have said it was near perfect. Eric and I had been married for 12 years, and we had two beautiful kids, Emily and Lucas. Our weekends were spent at soccer games, family picnics, and working together at our small café on Main Street.
Eric was my rock. He had this calming presence that could smooth over any storm. His gentle touch and reassuring smile could dissolve my anxieties like sugar in warm tea.
A couple holding hands | Source: Unsplash
“We’ve got this, Amanda,” he’d whisper during challenging moments, his fingers intertwining with mine. When Emily’s bicycle chain broke or Lucas struggled with a math problem, Eric would step in with his quiet expertise, making everything seem effortless.
That morning, when Eric kissed me goodbye, there was something different in his eyes — a fleeting shadow I couldn’t quite decode. “Running some errands,” he said, his voice steady, but something beneath it felt… different.
“Pick up milk,” I called after him, more out of habit than necessity. He winked and pointed at me like he always did, but the gesture now felt rehearsed and almost mechanical.
A man walking away | Source: Midjourney
With the house suddenly silent (the kind of silence that seemed to hold its breath) I decided to visit the old church a few blocks down. I hadn’t been there in years. Something about it felt right that day, though an inexplicable tremor of uncertainty rippled through my chest.
Little did I know that within those ancient stone walls, my perfect world was about to crumble.
The church smelled of old wood and candle wax, familiar and soothing. Dust motes danced in the filtered sunlight, suspended between rows of weathered pews.
I wandered through the space, letting my mind drift, hoping to find a moment of reprieve from the constant hum of daily life. It felt peaceful, like I’d discovered a delicate bubble of calm in my relentlessly busy world.
A woman in church | Source: Pexels
As I walked past the confessional booth, a familiar voice floated out… muffled at first, then gradually becoming more distinct.
My steps faltered, a cold shiver racing down my spine. It was Eric’s voice. The timbre was unmistakable… that low, controlled tone I’d known for 12 years.
No, I thought. That can’t be. Eric isn’t here. He’s running errands.
But then he spoke again, clearer this time. “Father, I need to confess something.” The words hung in the air, weighted with a burden I couldn’t comprehend.
I froze, every muscle in my body locking into place. My brain screamed at me to walk away, to unhear what was happening, but my feet seemed rooted to the worn marble floor.
A man in a confession booth in church | Source: Pexels
“I’ve been living a double life,” Eric said, his voice low and trembling. “I’ve been cheating on my wife, Amanda. I have a mistress… and two children with her.” Each word felt like a knife, systematically dismantling everything I believed about our marriage.
My knees nearly buckled. I reached out, desperate to steady myself against the wall, the cold stone biting into my palm like a sharp reminder that this wasn’t a nightmare, but a brutal, horrifying reality.
Mistress? Two children? My Eric?
The words echoed in my mind, fragmenting my entire understanding of our life together. Twelve years of shared memories, trust, and love — all crumbling in an instant.
A shocked woman | Source: Midjourney
I backed away, my head spinning, and my chest heaving as ragged breaths escaped me. Tears blurred my sight, transforming the sacred space into a kaleidoscope of broken light. I stumbled out of the church and into the bright morning sun, feeling like a ghost of myself.
I made it to the car before the first sob escaped. It tore through me, raw and uncontrollable…. like a sound of betrayal that seemed to rip from the deepest part of my soul. My hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turned white, the leather creaking beneath my trembling fingers.
Each breath felt like broken glass, sharp and painful. Then, my phone buzzed. Eric’s name flashed on the screen, mocking me with its casual familiarity.
A woman holding a phone flashing an inoming call | Source: Midjourney
I wiped at my face furiously, trying to steel myself and find some semblance of composure before answering. My reflection in the rearview mirror was a stranger… eyes red, skin pale, and a mask of shock and mounting fury.
“Hey,” I said, forcing calm into my tone, a performance worthy of an actress.
“Hi, hon,” he said, his voice as smooth and casual as ever. The endearment now felt like poison. “Just wanted to let you know I’m heading to a friend’s place to help with his car. Might take a couple of hours.”
A fresh wave of rage and despair surged through me. I could taste the bitterness of his lie and feel the weight of his deception. Yet, I swallowed it down.
“Sure,” I said tightly, each word a carefully controlled dagger. “I’ll see you at home later.”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
I hung up and stared at the dashboard, my mind reeling. He was lying to me. Calmly. Effortlessly. As if our entire life together was nothing more than a casual script he could rewrite at will.
The silence of the car pressed against me, heavy with the revelation that would forever split my life into “before” and “after”.
I didn’t go home. The thought of returning to our carefully curated life felt impossible. Instead, I parked across the street from the church and waited, my hands gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline.
An anxious woman sitting in a car | Source: Midjourney
Ten minutes later, Eric walked out, looking completely at ease. His movements were relaxed, and his face was unburdened by the confession I’d just overheard. He climbed into his car and pulled away, unaware that his entire world was about to shatter.
Something inside me snapped. A cold, calculated fury replaced my initial shock. I started my car and followed him.
He drove through town, taking backroads until he reached a quiet and familiar neighborhood. My heart pounded so loudly I could hear its rhythm in my ears. Each turn, each mile felt like a betrayal unfolding in real-time.
A man driving a car | Source: Unsplash
I watched as he parked in front of a small, familiar house — a place that used to represent warmth and friendship.
Susan’s house. The air left my lungs in a rush. Susan. My former best friend.
We hadn’t spoken in four years, not since a stupid fight over something so trivial it now seemed laughable. I couldn’t even remember the exact details, but it had been petty… something about her flaking on a lunch date and me accusing her of not caring about our friendship.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. Here she was, caring very deeply about something: MY HUSBAND.
A house surrounded by a beautiful garden | Source: Midjourney
I watched as Eric walked up to the door and knocked. Susan opened it, and my stomach lurched when she smiled at him… warm, intimate, and welcoming. The kind of smile reserved for someone who knows you deeply and who shares your secrets.
Then, they hugged. Not the casual hug of old friends, but something deeper. Intimate. Their bodies melting into each other with a familiarity that spoke volumes.
I sat frozen in my car, a silent witness to the unraveling of everything I thought I knew. As they disappeared inside together, the world around me seemed to blur and sound muted, and the colors dulled.
My perfect life had just become a lie.
A woman sitting in a car | Source: Pexels
I didn’t think. I just acted. Pure, raw emotion propelled me forward. I threw the car door open and stormed across the lawn, my blood boiling like molten lava. My hands trembled as I pounded on the door with a force that seemed to echo my shattered heart.
When Susan opened it, her face drained of color. The guilt was instantaneous, written across her features like a confession.
“Amanda,” she whispered, the name sounding more like a prayer of desperate apology.
A startled woman opening the door | Source: Midjourney
Eric appeared behind her, his eyes widening in shock, caught in a moment of pure vulnerability. “AMANDA? What are you doing here?” he stammered.
“What am I doing here?” I barked and shoved past Susan into the living room. “I should be asking YOU that.”
That’s when I saw them: two little girls playing on the floor. They looked up at me with wide, curious eyes… eyes that were unmistakably Eric’s. Same shape, same color, and same hint of mischief. They were carbon copies of the man I thought I knew.
An angry woman | Source: Midjourney
My knees threatened to give out, but rage held me upright like an invisible steel rod. “Are they yours?” I demanded, my voice a broken whisper that threatened to become a scream.
Eric sighed with a gesture of weary resignation, running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit I’d once found endearing. “Amanda, let me explain—”
“EXPLAIN?” I cut him off. “Explain how you’ve been sneaking around behind my back for years? How you’ve built an entire second family with my so-called best friend?”
A nervous man | Source: Midjourney
Susan stepped forward, her hands wringing like a pathetic gesture of remorse. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this—”
“Don’t you dare,” I snapped, whirling on her with a fury that made her step back. “You betrayed me. You, of all people. And for what? Your friend’s husband?”
Eric raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Amanda, let’s calm down and talk about this—”
“Calm down?” I laughed. “You don’t get to ask me to calm down, Eric. Not after this.”
The little girls stared, confused and frightened. For a moment, I felt a pang of guilt. They were innocent in this web of betrayal. But the feeling was quickly consumed by my rage.
Two frightened little girls sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
“This is OVER,” I said, my voice trembling with a finality that felt like a death sentence. “I want a divorce. And you—” I pointed at Susan, each word dripping with venom, “you’re DEAD to me.”
The room fell silent, the weight of my words hanging like a guillotine, ready to sever the last threads of our shared history.
The divorce was swift and surgical, like cutting out a malignant tumor from my life. Eric didn’t contest it, which spoke volumes. Perhaps he knew the depth of his betrayal made any argument futile.
His family, once a second home to me, rallied around me, not him. His father, who had always treated me like the daughter he never had, cut ties with Eric entirely.
Divorce papers on a table | Source: Pexels
More than financial support, his continued presence felt like a validation. “You deserve so much more, Amanda,” he told me, his weathered hands squeezing mine with a protective fierceness that made me feel supported in my most vulnerable moments.
Eric’s betrayal had shattered me… initially. But in its devastating wake, I discovered a new kind of strength. A strength that wasn’t defined by my roles as a wife or a mother, but by who I was at my core. I wasn’t just Amanda the wife or Amanda the mother.
I was Amanda… a woman with her own identity, her own resilience, and her own power.
A woman looking outside | Source: Midjourney
The pain transformed me. Each tear, each moment of anger, and each sleepless night became fuel for my reconstruction. I wasn’t broken. I was breaking free.
As for Susan and Eric? They could have each other. Their betrayal was their burden to bear, not mine to carry. Because now, for the first time in years, I was truly free. And in that freedom, I found something far more valuable than the life I’d lost — MYSELF.
Portait of an emotional woman | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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