Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
Sir Elton John, 76, raises his two sons not to be spoiled as they already do chores for some pocket money
David Furnish, Sir Elton John’s spouse, and they have been together for more than 20 years. The couple is also raising their two boys, Zackary and Elijah, to be modest and aware of the worth of money.
Famed artist Sir Elton John has released thirty-two albums to far and shows no signs of slowing down. Even at seventy-three, the vocalist continues to be in high demand.
David Furnish and Sir Elton John in London in 2001 | Photo courtesy of Getty Images
Despite having a successful career for more than thirty years, the musician wants to concentrate on other areas of his life, such as his marriage to David Furnish and his two sons, Zachary and Elijah.
A brief romance blossomed between John and Furnish in 1993, before their lives got consumed with parenting their sons. The singer of “Sacrifice” announced that he had moved back into his Windsor home and was looking to socialize.
John then requested a friend to invite Furnish and other individuals to dinner, saying he felt an immediate connection with Furnish. John admired how well-groomed and reserved he was.
After going on a date the next day, the two’s long-term relationship officially started. After nine years of being in a civil partnership, they made the decision to tie the knot in 2014.
The pair used Instagram to send out invites. The highlight of the day was spending time with their sons, who had the important duty of serving as ring carriers.
Furnish and John found great joy in sharing their partnership with their children, particularly considering the difficult road they had to go to become parents. It all began in 2009 when they were acquainted at an HIV orphanage with a young boy from Ukraine named Lev.
Lev came from a shattered family, so the couple wanted to help him, but the government wouldn’t let it because he was too old. Still, the couple assisted Lev and spoke with him.
John came to the realization that he may be a father after meeting Lev. He acknowledged that he had always believed he was too old to have children. Zachary, their first son, was born in 2010 through a surrogate, and Elijah followed in 2013.
Bringing Up Children Outside of the Media
The couple desired to be actively involved with their children while leading a hectic lifestyle. “We don’t want to entrust housekeepers and nannies with raising our kids,” Furnish stated. The couple decided that having boys was the best course of action, and now their primary objective is to raise their sons in a happy and healthy environment.
John expressed to his sons in a touching letter how much they had altered his life. “You two are the best gifts I have ever received, Zachary and Elijah. In ways I never imagined imaginable, you have given my life meaning and purpose and filled my heart with love,” the singer added.
Furnish and John are content with the lovely family they have created. The love and support their children will always have from their parents is something they do not want them to forget as they grow older.
John talked candidly about how becoming a parent has altered his outlook on life and some of the values he and his spouse want their kids to grow up with.
John talked about how having children affected his attitude toward money. Having two children of his own now, he values his time with Zachary and Elijah more than a popular song or artwork.
The singer acknowledged that because he and Furnish were used to living as the center of attention, they had spent a lot of money before having children. However, John claimed that since their sons arrived, they had drastically cut back on their spending.
The couple’s current concern is ensuring that they own only what they require. Additionally, the couple has been instilling in their kids the importance of money and the labor required to acquire it.
Although John is aware that his kids have a privileged existence already, he still wishes they had humility. The artist has stated that he does not intend to leave them his whole estate as a result. Rather, he aims to strike a balance between providing his kids with a wonderful life and keeping them grounded. He thought to himself:
Naturally, I would like to leave my boys in a very secure financial situation. But giving children a silver spoon is a poor idea. Their lives is ruined by it.
John has attempted to instill in the boys an appreciation for money since they were young children. Zachary and Elijah may not have realized how well-known their parents were at the age of five and three, but John and Furnish did teach them a valuable lesson about budgeting.
The singer said in 2016 that doing chores around the house, such the kitchen or garden, would earn them £3 ($3.74) in pocket money. Each coin would then be divided between savings, spending, and charity. As they grew older, their responsibilities included tidying their rooms, and they received stars for each task completed.
Although the couple is aware that their children would not have a typical childhood, they nevertheless make an effort to give their lives some degree of normalcy. According to John, his children are “not stuck behind the gates of a mansion,” but rather live like locals.
When questioned if he was afraid of having his kids in the spotlight, he replied that he knew there would be drawbacks but that he didn’t mind at all because he thought people were “brilliant” and “not hostile,” especially when they wanted to see pictures of him and his family.
The musician and his spouse would take their kids to the movies or out for pizza because they want them to spend quality time with their family somewhere else than their mansion.
Because of his celebrity, John does not want to miss out on special times with his kids. The musician is also prompt in picking up and dropping off his youngsters at school.
Elton John Flaunts His Offspring
The “Rocket Man” singer posted a unique picture of Furnish, their sons, and their godmother, Lady Gaga, on social media, while John and his spouse typically don’t post any pictures of their sons online. The musician conveyed his love despite expressing his regret at missing the opportunity to picture with them.
On Elton John’s page, leave a remark | Source: Instagram/eltonjohn
Fans expressed disbelief at Zachary and Elijah’s growth in the comment section. “However, the boys are growing quite tall.” Very attractive tiny fellas, a commenter commented. Another admirer exclaimed, “Look at these gorgeous boys and their pappa and Godma!”
John expressed to his sons in a touching letter how much they had altered his life. “You two are the best gifts I have ever received, Zachary and Elijah. In ways I never imagined imaginable, you have given my life meaning and purpose and filled my heart with love,” the singer added.
Furnish and John are content with the lovely family they have created. The love and support their children will always have from their parents is something they do not want them to forget as they grow older.
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