Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
17 Nannies Whose Adventures Could Fill a Best-Selling Novel
Some people view nannying as a simple job. Tasks like feeding children, reading them stories, and putting them to bed seem routine. However, that’s not always true. The people featured in our article shared their experiences caring for other people’s children, and now we wouldn’t dream of calling this profession dull.
I was 13 and was babysitting my neighbors’ kids. It was my first time, so the parents walked me through all the rules about the bathroom, TV, food, bedtime, etc. Just as the parents were taking off for the night, the mom came back in and whispered to me, “Don’t go into the basement.” As a teenager in the 80s, my mind went to all of the scariest movies that had basements. I avoided the door to the basement all night until I had put the kids to bed.
Then I walked slowly to the door and put my ear against it. I heard what sounded like whimpering. And then it sounded like sad laughing. I ran to the couch and started watching TV to get my mind off of it, but then I heard something fall in the basement and knew someone was down there. I really don’t know how I got the courage/stupidity to do it, but I went over and opened the door. The whining instantly got louder.
I went down just 3 or 4 stairs, so I could peek down… and I saw… a goat. Not a ghost. A goat. As soon as the goat saw me, he started bleating loudly. It scared me. I went upstairs, and the goat was still bleating loudly, so much that it woke up the kids.
The oldest girl came out and said, “Did you open the door to the basement?” I said, “Yeah, why?” She said, “When you do that, Carlos thinks you’re going to feed him, and he starts yelling.” Thank god I knew it was a goat first, because if she had said that before I went down, I would’ve thought Carlos was some kidnapped person in the basement who would yell for food.
It was very funny to me. The mom came home and I told her what happened, and she almost died laughing. They were repairing the goat pen and had to keep him in the basement for a few days. I still remember every moment of that night vividly. © Unknown author / RedditIn my early twenties, I would babysit a set of twins on the weekend once in a while. Their mom was super beautiful, and she was always going on dates.
One night, she told me she met a guy and was going on a date with him. She left at 6 and said she’d be back around midnight. Well, pushing 1 a.m., I’m thinking maybe she’s running late. 2 a.m., 3 a.m… I’m calling and calling her and finally her phone just goes to voice mail. I wake up, and it’s 7 a.m. and she still isn’t back.
I finally found the grandparent’s number in an address book. I call her parents, and they don’t even seem phased. They just seem annoyed like this is business as usual but tell me they’ll be over to sit with the twins, so I can leave. I call the non-emergency police number and explain what’s going on and that the grandparents are on their way.
I stick around for another hour, and then she pulls up wearing a men’s t-shirt, and heels, and she’s laughing. She says jokingly, “Oh my god! Call the police!” I never sat for her again. She just ended up staying with the guy all night and turned her phone off so she couldn’t be bothered. She truly thought I’d dismiss it like it was no big deal. © Kikabennet / Reddit
- The dad of the kids I watched liked me on Tinder. Then, when I told his wife, and she didn’t believe me, he convinced her that “his Facebook was hacked.” The kids were almost always wonderful. © marymoon77 / Reddit
- I work as a nanny in the family of a big businessman. At first, I worked several times a week, then I started living in their house. The head of the family works almost round the clock, his wife doesn’t notice anything but clothes, spas, and fitness.
Yesterday, their 5-year-old son stole money from his father’s safe, came to me, and said we should run away together. I returned the money immediately, but how to explain to a child why I love him more than his mother, I don’t know… © Overheard / Ideer - I’m a nanny, and I heard her first word (it was hippo). But the family won’t ever know that. Some secrets are better to keep. © positivityfox / Reddit
- First babysitting job at 13. Four kids. My parents gave me a whole fresh salmon to COOK and serve the kids. I learned that day that salmon has pin bones when I had to pull some out of the 3-year-old’s throat while simultaneously calling my parents down the road because I didn’t know what to do, as he was coughing and gasping for air. He was fine, but I think I lost 10 years of my life that day. © nah2daysun / Reddit
- A lady tried to dump 2 extra kids on me without paying when she realized I was babysitting her neighbor’s kids. Her rationale was that I was already babysitting 2 kids and 2 more wasn’t that much, so I should watch her kids for free and let them eat her neighbor’s food. © CaptDeliciousPants / Reddit
- I’m not a nanny, but I’ve been babysitting a girl on and off from when she was 5 to 7 now.
Her: What is that?
Me: Pineapple
Her: Oh, I’ve never had pineapple.
Me: Do you want to try it?
She does this about everything, too. I asked her mom if she had ever had pineapple, and she was like of course, she has! Then I realized she was just trying to eat my food. © Kacidillaa / Reddit - I nannied for a wealthy couple, and the husband had a study in the house that the wife joked about never being allowed in. Now, I’m nosy, and I was curious about why you wouldn’t let someone in a study, especially since it looked like a fairly normal room: big desk, walls covered in bookshelves, books of architecture everywhere.
So one day I just roamed around in there. I didn’t find anything, and I was kinda disappointed, but then I grabbed a book off one of the shelves. The thing had money pressed between its pages — about $500 if I had to guess. Picked up another book, and found the same thing.
I think I checked like ten different books, and every single one had money hidden in it. Still not sure if the dude was just paranoid about banks or if he was intentionally hiding money from his wife. © Unknown author / Reddit - I babysat two neighbor kids one time. I had a lot of experience babysitting, but it was my first time with this particular family. The little boy was about 5, and the little girl was maybe 7. Their parents left very specific instructions for bedtime, and they were kept on a very strict schedule. I thankfully had my best friend with me at the time, we were probably 15.
Bedtime came around, and after several warnings, we told them it was time to get upstairs, get into PJs, and carry on with their bedtime routine. They went ballistic. The little boy started tearing the cushions off their leather couch, tossing them everywhere, and biting a hole in the arm of the couch. While I was trying to deal with him, my best friend was trying to get the little girl upstairs when she ran into the kitchen, dumped their entire mop bucket of dirty water on the floor, and started sliding around in it. As soon as the couch-chewer saw the fun his sister was having, he joined in.
I ended up calling my mom for reinforcement, and never babysat for that family again. © soxxyrocks / Reddit
- So the father of the kid works for a major athletic apparel company, and every year they need to test the upcoming year’s potential pieces. To do that, the company sends one of every potential piece to all female employees and female spouses.
Well, the mother is pregnant right now and can’t fit into any of the items, so the father made me a cup of tea and asked me to sit down in the living room (what he does whenever he wants to talk to me about something) and says, “I know we’re not paying you to do this, but would you be willing to test all of the sample pieces my company sent me? You can keep them afterward.”
Yes! Y’all, no kidding, he just handed me 6 boxes of athletic clothing that have to total thousands of dollars. © pineappleprincesspie / Reddit - I was in the living room, watching Sister, Sister,when all of a sudden I heard a man say, “Hello.” I check the front door and look out the window at the driveway, the parents aren’t home. Go upstairs and check the kids, they’re both still in bed.
Go back downstairs, and hear it again, from the darkened dining room, “Hello, I am Armando.” They had a parrot. © Unknown author / Reddit - I only babysat once, and it was nothing horrible. These people had a huge rich house, and everything looked great, but when it was time for the kids’ bed, I figured I’d read them a bedtime story. I searched through that magnificent house and couldn’t find a single solitary book. © TRIGMILLION / Reddit
- So, it is that time of the month for me. I go into the bathroom, and while unwrapping a feminine hygiene product, the kid yells from outside the door, “I can hear you eating candy in there!” It made my day and made me wish that I was eating candy. © HalleysComet5 / Reddit
- I was working as a nanny, and the children’s mother once told me, “My husband doesn’t think we should pay you for when the girls are sleeping…” They were 4 months and 2 years old.
I was a junior in high school and responded, “Okay, so should I duck out once I tuck them in?” I wouldn’t have done that, but I think at that point she realized how ridiculous her request was. © reckate / Reddit - I had a phone interview with a mom that went well, so we met in person for a second interview with her husband and 4 children. It went well until she explained her nanny was fired for having an affair with her husband and how their new nanny needed better morals and to limit her interaction with her husband (who was sitting there the whole time with us).
I’ve never felt more awkward in my whole life as she told me that I’m pretty but thankfully not his type as he just nodded his head. I just find it irritating how it’s the nanny’s fault when her husband also had the affair, and how the nanny needs morals when her husband doesn’t. So yeah, definitely not accepting this job! © thisisdevon- / Reddit
Working as a regular nanny is challenging enough, so imagine being a nanny for a royal family. There are strict rules to follow, such as being allowed to wear only specific types of jewelry.
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