A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Entitled Brat Threw Trash in Front of Elderly Garbage Lady, Saying ‘Pick It Up, It’s Your Job’ – Karma Instantly Hits Back
Colin here, ready to serve up a story so satisfying, it’ll make you believe in instant justice. Picture this: a young punk with an attitude messes with our neighborhood’s garbage guardian. Let’s just say, his trash talk went straight to the landfill. This tale has a pungent beginning, a hilarious middle, and a sweet, sweet ending you won’t want to miss.
A young man standing next to his car in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
I’m a 35-year-old guy living in a quiet, friendly neighborhood. We’ve got this amazing elderly lady, Mrs. Johnson, who’s been our garbage woman for years. She’s in her 70s, sweet as pie, and always goes the extra mile to keep our streets clean. Everyone respects her… well, almost everyone.
Enter Jake. This entitled brat just moved into the area. He’s in his 20s, living off his parents’ money, and acts like he owns the place. You know the type. He’s blasting loud music at all hours, leaving his stuff everywhere, and just being a general nuisance.
A man walking his dog in the neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
So, last week, I was out walking my dog, Max, when I saw something that made my blood boil. Mrs. Johnson was doing her rounds, picking up trash when Jake strutted out of his house with this big bag of garbage.
Instead of walking the few extra steps to the garbage truck, he threw the bag right in front of Mrs. Johnson. He sneered, “Pick it up. It’s your job.”
An elderly lady picking up trash in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
I could see Mrs. Johnson was hurt and a bit shaken, but she didn’t say anything. She just bent down to pick up the bag. That was it for me. I couldn’t let this slide. But just as I was about to step in, karma beat me to it in the most spectacular way.
Jake, feeling all high and mighty, turned to walk back to his house. But in his arrogance, he didn’t see a patch of wet leaves, and he went down hard, landing right in a puddle of mud. His fancy clothes were drenched and filthy in an instant.
A young man falls into a puddle of muddy water | Source: Midjourney
I couldn’t help but chuckle, but the real revenge was yet to come.
Seeing the opportunity, I grabbed my phone and quickly called a couple of neighbors who were part of our community watch. They arrived within minutes, and we all surrounded the guy, who was covered in mud and trying to clean himself off.
“Hey buddy,” I said, trying to keep a straight face, “looks like you had a little accident. Need a hand?”
An elderly man scolding a young man with muddied clothes | Source: Midjourney
He glared at me but didn’t say anything. One of the neighbors, Mr. Parker, who happened to be a retired police officer, stepped forward.
“You know,” he said, “Mrs. Johnson here is a respected member of our community. We don’t take kindly to people disrespecting her.”
The young guy’s face turned pale. He realized he was outnumbered and out of his league. Mrs. Johnson, bless her heart, walked over to him, still holding the trash bag he had thrown.
Garbage bags lying outside a house in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
“I believe this is yours,” she said, handing it back to him with a sweet smile.
Humiliated, he took the bag and mumbled an apology. But we weren’t done yet.
Our retired officer neighbor, Mr. Daniels, suggested, “How about you spend the next hour helping Mrs. Johnson with her rounds as a way of making amends?”
Jake’s eyes widened in horror, but he knew he had no choice. He nodded reluctantly.
A young man in muddied clothes picking up trash in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
“Great,” Mr. Daniels said. “Grab a pair of gloves from Mrs. Johnson’s truck. You’re on duty now.”
So, for the next hour, we all watched as this entitled brat followed Mrs. Johnson around, picking up trash and doing the job he had mocked her for. At first, Jake tried to keep his distance, barely touching the trash, but Mrs. Johnson wouldn’t have any of that.
“Come on now, you need to do it properly,” she said, pointing to a pile of leaves and litter. “Get in there and make sure it’s clean.”
A pile of fallen leaves and litter on the side of the road in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
Jake sighed but bent down to pick up the trash. As time went on, he got sweatier and dirtier, his fancy clothes ruined. He was clearly out of his comfort zone, but he had no choice but to keep going.
I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him struggle. Karma was working its magic.
At one point, Mrs. Johnson stopped to take a sip of water. “Are you doing alright, Jake?” she asked kindly.
An elderly garbage lady standing next to a garbage truck in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
Jake, panting and red-faced, just nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered, clearly anything but.
The neighbors, including Mr. Parker and Mr. Daniels, watched with satisfaction. We all knew this was a lesson Jake needed to learn.
By the end of the hour, Jake was a mess. Sweaty, dirty, and thoroughly humbled, he trudged back to Mrs. Johnson’s truck to return the gloves. As he handed them over, he muttered another apology. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson.”
A young man in muddied clothes is talking to an elderly garbage lady in a neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
She nodded graciously. “Remember, young man, respect is earned through actions, not words.”
He gave a small nod and walked back to his car, looking defeated. As he drove off, I had a feeling he’d think twice before disrespecting anyone again, especially someone as hardworking and kind as Mrs. Johnson.
We haven’t seen Jake since that day. Maybe he moved out, or maybe he’s just laying low. Either way, the neighborhood feels a bit more peaceful now.
A man smiling while standing in a quiet neighborhood | Source: Midjourney
There you have it, folks. Proof that karma can be swift and satisfying. Remember, what goes around truly does come around. Thanks for reading, and perhaps take a moment to reflect on the power of karma in your own life.
Much like Colin witnessing Jake’s entitled behavior toward the respectable Mrs. Johnson, the woman in our next story observed something similar in a slightly different setting. Take a look:
My Father-in-Law Humiliated a Waiter, but Karma Hit Back When He Least Expected
An upset man shouting at someone off-camera | Source: Freepik
At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I’ve always believed in karma. You know, the idea that what goes around, comes around. But never in my wildest dreams did I expect to witness it unfold so vividly and immediately as it did one evening with my father-in-law (FIL), Benjamin.
This man, bless his heart, operates under the assumption that the universe, with all its cosmic might, revolves around him and is essentially supposed to cater to all his needs and wants. And on this particular day, karma decided to give him a reality check.
A man looking straight at the camera with tools behind him | Source: Pexels”
Let me paint the picture: My husband, Sam, and I, Linda, were dining out with him at a local restaurant Benjamin claimed to be the “best in the state.” He’s the kind of guy who orders as if preparing for an impending food shortage—four burgers, fries, the works!
As our patient waiter returned to the kitchen after bringing us our food, my FIL discreetly set aside one burger, a minor detail that would later unravel into an epic tale of instant karma.
A waiter taking down an order at a restaurant | Source: Pixabay
We watched in shock as Benjamin erupted like a volcano at the returning waiter, disbelief and indignation painting his face upon realizing there was a “missing” burger. “I ordered four burgers. Why are there only three?!” he bellowed across the table, attracting unwanted attention.
The waiter, a paragon of patience, politely assured him, “I made sure I put them all in the bag, sir.”
“Are you blind?! This is only three!” His voice, dripping with condescension, cut through the hum of restaurant chatter.
A waiter holding four burgers on a serving board | Source: Freepik
At this point, I was ready to say something to defend this poor woman who was just trying to do her job, but my husband knew his father would just turn his fake rage on me and make a bigger scene. So, knowing I couldn’t stand for anyone being mistreated, he grabbed my hand lightly to urge me not to say anything.
I trust Sam’s instincts, especially when it comes to his father, so I pulled back and settled into my chair, watching the drama unfold.
A woman reacting in shock while the man beside her stays calm | Source: Pexels
Seeing that Benjamin was one of those unreasonable consumers who believed they were always right, the waiter apologized. She said, “Sorry, Sir. I’ll get you another one,” even though it was clear from her reaction that she was quite certain she’d brought all four.
The innocent woman walked away to get a fifth burger for my greedy FIL, and we sat looking at him with disgust but chose to say nothing to avoid inflaming the situation further. The waiter’s solution seemed to satisfy Benjamin momentarily, his smirk spreading across his face like a dark cloud.
Little did he know, the universe was about to serve him a HUGE slice of humble pie!
A waiter about to serve a plate with a burger and fries | Source: Pixabay
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