Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
My Daughter-in-Law Tossed My Belongings Out After Finding Out She Inherited the House, but Karma Came for Her That Very Day
The finality hit me when I turned to leave.
Dad was truly gone. I tightened my grip on the box as if holding onto it could somehow keep him with me. When I reached my car, silent tears were slipping down my cheeks.
I sat in the car and cried until my tears ran out. My phone beeped and rang several times, but it was just Matt. He was probably worried about me, but some grief you have to wade through alone.
The last thing I expected to find when I arrived home was my whole life strewn across the front lawn like some kind of unholy estate sale.
The wind picked up, scattering the memories I’d so carefully packed into boxes and hauled down from the attic.
Mom’s old recipes, her china, the worn plaid quilt Dad used to nap under, and all his books — it all lay out in the open, unprotected, as if they meant nothing. I stumbled out of my car, heart pounding.
“What in God’s name…” I muttered, my voice swallowed by the wind.
“Oh, good. You’re finally back. I was getting tired of waiting.”
There, perched on my patio furniture with her designer sunglasses and her too-bright lipstick, was Jessica. My daughter-in-law didn’t even glance up from her phone. She took a leisurely sip from her coffee, and her lips curved in a barely restrained smirk.
“Jessica… What is all this?” My eyes swept over the chaos, disbelief clamping down on my chest. “What are you doing?”
She glanced up, lowering her sunglasses just enough for me to see the disdain in her eyes. She waved a manicured hand dismissively.
“I’m doing what’s necessary. This is my home now, after all.”
A cold knot twisted in my stomach. “Your home? What are you talking about?”
“Looks like you should’ve attended the will reading.” Jessica held up a crisp piece of paper, and there was my father’s signature, clear as day, at the bottom. “Guess your dad knew who deserved it most, huh?”
I swayed, gripping the car door for support. “That’s impossible. Dad would never—”
“Oh, but he did.” She smirked, casually inspecting her perfect manicure.
“Signed, sealed, delivered. The house is mine now.” She leaned in close, her perfume, a cloying, artificial scent, invading my space. “I think it’s time you moved on, Hattie.”
A truck rumbled into the driveway, and my son, Matt, climbed out, his face twisting as he took in the scene. His boots crunched over the gravel as he approached, confusion deepening the crease between his brows.
“What the heck, Jess? First you run out of the lawyer’s office, and now you send me this weird text? What’s going on?” he asked, glancing from me to Jessica, his jaw tight.
She stretched, standing at last, looking smug and at ease in her towering heels. It made my skin crawl. “Like I said, I’m making some necessary changes, honey. And actually, there’s more you should know.”
Matt’s expression hardened with a flash of something I hadn’t seen before. “More than you throwing my mother’s belongings all over the yard?”
“Much more!” Jessica’s laugh was harsh. “I want a divorce.”
The word hung in the air like the final nail in a coffin. Matt’s mouth opened, then closed as he struggled to process. “What? You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, I am.” Her voice was dripping with disdain. “I’ve spent enough years suffocating in this house, being made to feel like I don’t fit in, like I’m not good enough!” She gestured at the house with a sweep of her arm. “I need a fresh start.”
“You have no right—” I started, but she cut me off with a scornful wave.
“Oh, save it, Hattie. You never wanted me in this family. You looked down on me right from the start, judging me just because I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon. Well, now I’m finally getting what I deserve out of you people.”
Matt’s face shifted from bewilderment to anger, his fists clenched. “Everything my family said about you is true,” he said, voice low and trembling. “You really are a covetous witch.”
Jessica’s veneer cracked.
“And you’re a spineless mama’s boy!” she snapped. “Always running to her defense, always putting her first.” She sneered, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at him. “It’s pathetic. You’re just as small-minded as she is.”
“Don’t you dare talk about my son that way!” My voice cut through the silence, sharper than I’d intended.
“I’ll do whatever I want, Hattie.” Jessica set her hands on her hips, her expression smug. “And there’s nothing either of you can do about it.”
“In fact,” Jessica continued. “The two of you had best hurry and clear your stuff off MY lawn, before I call the cops and have them arrest you both.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Matt yelled.
I numbly looked on as Matt confronted Jessica. None of this made sense! Dad hadn’t even liked Jessica! My hands shook as I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed Dad’s lawyer.
His voice was a balm, calm and reassuring. “Hattie? I was just about to call you.”
“… really believed I liked you?” Jessica yelled in the background. “You were just a means to an end, a way for me to leave my old neighborhood behind. Now I have the house, I don’t need you anymore!”
“Please,” I whispered to the lawyer. “Tell me she’s lying. There’s no way Dad left his home to Jessica.”
There was a pause, then a warm chuckle.
“You’re right. Your father didn’t leave her the house. It was all a test to get her to show her true colors.”
“A…test?” Relief rushed through me, and I started laughing, tears gathering in my eyes. It was the kind of laugh that came from somewhere deep, a laugh that surprised even me.
Jessica’s face twisted, her confidence faltering. “What are you laughing at?”
“Oh, Jessica,” I managed, still shaking. “You really should have waited for the real will reading.”
“What?”
I let the satisfaction roll through me as I explained. “Dad never left you the house. It was fake — a test to get you to show your true character.”
Matt turned to Jessica, his face a storm of emotions. “Looks like Grandpa’s plan worked.”
Jessica’s eyes widened. She glanced between Matt and me as the realization of what she’d done sunk in. Her confident facade crumbled, her voice turning desperate as she scrambled to save face.
“Matt — baby, please.” She reached out, but he recoiled, the finality in his eyes unmistakable.
“I swear, I never meant it!” She pleaded. “I was just…upset, frustrated. You know I love you!”
He shook his head. “Save it. You want a divorce? You’ve got one.”
As Jessica stomped off the property, her heels sinking with each step, I felt an odd peace settle over me. Dad’s wisdom lived on, a quiet, guiding presence.
Matt and I gathered the remnants of my life from the grass, and I couldn’t help thinking that sometimes the real inheritance isn’t in a house — it’s in the lessons of who truly deserves to be in your life.
Dad would have been proud.
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