Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
BILLIE EILISH FINALLY REVEALS HER FIGURE AFTER YEARS OF HIDING – SEE THE 3 PHOTOS THAT SHOCKED FANS
Billie Eilish’s decision to wear baggy clothes wasn’t just about fashion. She has talked about why she chose to dress in oversized outfits and how her style has changed over time to include more form-fitting looks.
Here are three key moments where fans got a peek at her figure, showing how her fashion has evolved.
Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell was born on December 18, 2001, in Los Angeles, California. She is an American singer and songwriter who became famous with her first single, “Ocean Eyes,” in 2015.
Billie Eilish, who has openly discussed her struggles with body image, quickly rose to fame in the music industry. Her debut album, *”When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”* topped charts around the world, proving she was a major talent to watch. Despite her success, Eilish continued to keep her body hidden, choosing baggy clothes as a way to feel more comfortable in the spotlight.
For years, Billie Eilish became known for her signature oversized clothes and layered chains, which sparked curiosity and speculation about her appearance. However, there are a few moments where Eilish’s figure is visible, offering a glimpse into her evolving style. These three featured images highlight how the singer’s look has shifted, showing a more confident side of her while still staying true to her individuality.
Billie Eilish in 2016
In 2017, Billie Eilish rocked a look that was both laid-back and stylish. She attended an event wearing an oversized fishnet shirt, which added to her signature casual, edgy vibe. This outfit showcased her ability to mix comfort with fashion-forward choices, staying true to her unique style.
At one point, a paparazzo snapped a rare photo of Billie Eilish in a tight tank top and shorts, revealing more of her figure than usual. The image spread quickly online, with people commenting on her appearance, some even suggesting she looked older than her age. This moment fueled more discussion about her body and her choice to typically wear baggy clothes.
The photo, taken when Billie Eilish was quickly walking from her car to her brother’s house, caused many different reactions. Some people supported her, praising body positivity, while others shared negative and hurtful comments.
Billie explained, “I think the people around me were more worried about it than I was. The reason I used to hurt myself was because of my body. To be honest, I only started wearing baggy clothes because of my body.”
Eilish was actually relieved that the paparazzi photo happened when she had a better relationship with her body. Looking back, she remembered struggling with how she viewed her body for many years.
There was a time when Billie Eilish danced excessively and ate very little. At just 12 years old, she even tried a diet pill. Now, looking back, this felt unreal to her, especially since she once thought her body insecurities were only her problem.
It was upsetting for Billie to realize that the internet also had negative opinions about her body. “The internet hates women,” she said.
In 2020, Billie made a short film where she slowly takes off a black hoodie, showing a bra underneath, before sinking into a pool of thick black liquid. In a voiceover, she wonders if people truly understand her, pointing out that they judge her thoughts, music, clothes, and body.
Billie Eilish in 2019
In a Calvin Klein ad for the campaign “I Speak My Truth In #MyCalvins,” Billie Eilish explained why she likes wearing baggy clothes. She said that fashion helps her keep her privacy. By wearing oversized outfits, she feels she can avoid people’s judgments and keep a part of herself hidden from the world.
“No one can say any of that because they don’t know,” Billie Eilish emphasized, referring to the way people form opinions without understanding her. Her fans stood by her decision to wear baggy clothes, saying it made them admire her even more, both as a person and an artist. They appreciated her honesty and the way she stayed true to herself despite outside pressure.
Many fans of Billie Eilish shared their support for her on X.
One fan wrote, “When Billie Eilish said she wears baggy clothes so people can’t judge her body, I really felt that.”
Another fan said, “I always thought that’s why she wore big clothes because I used to do the same. I love you, @billieeilish.”
Another admirer expressed their frustration, saying, “I will always support Billie. It’s sad she feels she has to dress like this to avoid body shaming from people who do it for no reason.”
One fan highlighted the unfairness of the situation, saying, “The fact that Billie Eilish wears baggy clothes to avoid being sexualized shows something is wrong with our society.”
Billie Eilish in 2021
During the pandemic, Billie Eilish spent a lot of time alone and realized she had lost touch with how she saw herself. She started to understand that she didn’t really know who she was anymore, so she decided to go on a journey of self-discovery.
In 2021, Billie Eilish embraced her complexity and individuality by posing for British Vogue in three photos showcasing her figure. She shared that she had embraced her multifaceted nature and recognized that she isn’t limited to just one identity.
Looking back, Billie Eilish shared that she spent much of her life presenting herself in a masculine and boyish way. Over the years, she realized that she had the freedom to express herself in different ways.
Billie Eilish said, “I don’t need to always prove to everyone that I’m a tomboy. That’s part of who I am, but I’m also feminine, sexy, and cute. I can be all these things.”
Billie Eilish, who wore a corset for a photo shoot, said she liked its style but also acknowledged its history of confinement. She admitted, “If I’m honest with you, I hate my stomach, and that’s why.”
Eilish used her new look to send a strong message. She addressed those who exploit underage girls, saying, “Don’t make me not a role model because you’re turned on by me.”
She also spoke out against people who praise her for feeling comfortable in her body, pointing out that it can make things worse. “The more the internet and the world care about somebody doing something different, they put it on such a high pedestal that then it’s even worse,” she explained.
With her new look, including changes to her signature black and green hair, Eilish said, “I feel more like a woman, somehow.”
In 2023, Billie Eilish adopted a more sophisticated and feminine style. She often appeared in elegant and elaborate outfits at high-profile events, highlighting her evolving fashion sense.
For instance, at the 2023 Academy Museum Gala, Eilish put on a busty display in a striking pinstriped suit. The tailored set featured a fitted blazer with a plunging neckline, accentuating her curves. Eilish completed the look with a matching skirt.
At the 2023 Academy Museum Gala, Billie Eilish wore a striking pinstriped suit that showcased her curves. The tailored blazer had a plunging neckline, and she paired it with a matching skirt, giving her a sophisticated and bold appearance.
Billie Eilish in 2024
At the 29th Annual Critics Choice Awards, Billie Eilish wore a stunning Thom Browne outfit. She opted for a black, form-fitting corset-style dress layered over a floor-length white collared shirt. To complete her look, she added round glasses and styled her vibrant red and black hair in a sleek, tied-back fashion.
Billie Eilish’s changing fashion style, from edgy tomboy outfits to sophisticated and elegant looks, reflects her growth as both an artist and a person. Her fashion choices show off her unique style and also help her address important issues like body image and body shaming.
By expressing herself through her style and speaking up about these issues, the 22-year-old continues to be a prominent figure in both fashion and music.
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